NEWSPAPER FLIPPIN': Wasn't like when I was a kid.

                                   

Quite a few years ago, needing extra money, I decided to try a rural newspaper route. Okay...sounds reasonable. I discovered that if you want to spend money, ruin your car, and generally get po'd at the world, that's the way to go.

See, at that time newspapers were fifteen cents and you got a nickle. Not bad, I thought. Plus, at least a third of my customers had prepaid. Wow! Of course I learned that the newspaper took their cut from this first, which meant I had to collect mine. Bummer!

Nevertheless I enjoyed some of this seven day a week (part time job?) adventure and sometimes my teenage children went with me. Who says you can't work a second job and have quality time with your slaves...uh, I mean children?

There was the time when this gentleman did not like where I threw his paper. I guess he figured I had an arm like Joe Namath...anyway, this dude flags me down and starts belittling me like I was some kind of kid. I was in my 30's, the end part of them, but certainly not a kid. He went on to say "...I'll have your job." I told him he "...could have it and if he'd pull his car over next to mine, I load them over for him."

A couple of days later, I was reprimanded for my actions and I smiled at the supervisor and promised to give it due consideration.

When I delivered this guy's newspaper, I slowed way down, took careful aim and whizzed that bad boy right in the middle of a large water puddle in his drive way. It was by far, my best throw. Moral of the story? Don't mess with your paper person, they're underpaid and starting to figure out they're actually contributing money.

Then there was the collecting. People not home. I'll pay you next week. You would be surprised at the people who would stiff a poor paper delivery person. Oh and don't forget the paper stands. Did you know some people will buy one, but grab a handful? Seriously, that comes out of the empty pockets of the route carrier, folks.

My favorite. This one lady. She was some firecracker I tell you. Two months behind and when I tried to collect she tells me "Ill pay you soons as I sells my cow." Okay, but the next month I got the same story. "I'm 'bout to sells that cow any day now."

I stopped her newspaper.

The next week or so she flags me down. "When you gonna deliver my paper again?"
Keeping as straight a face as I could I answered, "Soon as you sells that cow."